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Saturday, December 1, 2012
True Love

Define love? No, I don’t have any definition of love at lalong wala ako sa lugar para mag-magaling sa bagay na yan.
Compare to anyone, my experience of love is nothing.
But let me tell you a story where I witnessed TRUE LOVE.

It has been five years since my lolo died. 
I know there is still pain but we manage to live with it.
Incomplete? Yes, but we are trying to fill what’s missing.

This is the first time I’m going to talk about this. No one knows. It’s me, only me. And maybe this is why I have this special connection with him. I see him in my dreams and that “encounter thing.” 
Hindi ako duwag pero the mere fact I saw him standing near me --- ASDFGHJKL!
I never intended to be afraid but yea I admit I was really frightened!
No, I’m not crazy. I believe it was him, him wearing his yellow jacket.

It was back in December 8, 2007, town fiesta! After being hospitalized, he was slowly recovering.
We went to church, ate, talked, and laughed together. After the all-day fun who would have thought it was his last day with us.

Past 11 in the evening when my auntie told us that he was having trouble with his breathing.
INSTINCT--HOSPITAL! We need to rush him!

I was there, I was in their room [grandparent’s room.] I saw him walking slowly, ang bagal, tapos hinahabol niya yung paghinga niya. I saw my lola who was sleeping soundly. Inaalalayan ko si tatay, alam mo kung ano yung sinasabi niya sa akin kahit nahihirapan na siyang huminga? pinipinilit niya pa ring sabihing:

 “Wag mo ng gigising ang nanay mo, mag-aalala lang yan.”

Tandang-tanda ko yun. Habang inaalalayan ko siyang palabas ng kwarto paulit-ulit niyang pilit sinasabing “Wag mo ng gigising ang nanay mo.”
Sinunod ko siya at bago kami tuluyang makalabas ng kwarto nila I saw nanay who was still sleeping soundly.

He was rushed to the hospital and guess what, we still lose him.
Ang sakit, sakit. Ramdam na ramdam namin yung sakit. Hindi kami handa.
He was recovering di ba? Anong nangyari, all of a sudden nawala siya sa amin.

You know what’s the worse scenario? Yung nagising yung lola ko tapos hinahanap niya si tatay. Ang sakit. Yun ang pinakamasakit. Kung ako ngang nakasama niya bago siya dalhin sa hospital ganun na yung naramdaman, ano pa yung lola ko na ang alam ay sabay silang natulog at umaasang sabay silang gigising?

Minsan naisip kong mali atang sinunod ko si tatay na hindi ko ginising si nanay.
They never had the chance to bid goodbye to each other.
They never had that chance or was it my fault because I let that chance slipped?

If only I wake her up.. .

If only we knew it was his last day.. .

If only I can turn back the time.. . BUT if I can.. . maybe I will still do the same.

As years passed by I realized maybe it was tatay’s way of showing how much he loves nanay.
He never wanted her to worry. He never wanted her to get hurt. He saved her from greater pain and that’s not to see him  giving up and losing his own life.
I believe he died peacefully. And maybe that goodbye was never really intended to happen between them but another hello the moment they see each other again.

It took me years to share this, I dunno why, but maybe this is the perfect time.
I’m not letting go of the memory, I’ll keep it the way I did few years back but now I’m not alone since YOU also know the story. :)

I may not be able to define what love is but I know to myself my heart does understand what love means. :)

Posted by kryk